whether it’s misfits, or ministry, or the music from the great pumpkin, happy halloween.
total sads that I can’t celebrate it the way I want, that last year I was in the same spot, even though I was working…anyway. things are different now…sort of.
classes are going. I’m going to start working out this week. one hospital stay, same situation as last november, just less severe. I’m getting over the irishman. seen the most outstanding example of photoshop fuckery ever known…still confused over that.
aaaaand I’m on prozac. I’m giving up on the crusade of I’m fine without meds, and just getting to normal. kinda happy. I mean, I was in the pits of despair, then three days later, a complete turnaround. maybe there’s some hope in there after all??? can’t seem to orgasm though…but then again, who the hell is having sex with me? a certain friend eyes my tits for wank material. I still feel dirty about it, bc I love his gf to bits. whatever. nothing is going to happen outside a zombie apocalypse ruining that relationship, and even if he were to find me suddenly alluring, I couldnt.
more than anything I want to forget things or at least stop aching from failures. I have a chance to get studio time, and I’m scared.
I oversleep. I dont eat. if I could, I’d spend all day in bed. still not working, still terribly poor. it wouldn’t be so bad, except things that I actually NEED are unavailable, and it’s making me feel ugly.
Im existing.
I would want to be perfect for HIM. so far, if HE did run into me, he’d pass me by. b/c I don’t even care anymore. sigh.
new year, new hopes for a new life.
slainte, samhain.
