tyler the creator. I know tegan and sara have asked for a boycott, considering his overwhelmingly homophobe talk, but I need that beat right now. most of the songs listed in this blog denote my mood, I want you to understand me, and if my words are off, at least the song will make an impact…I hope.
so. updates. if I were better equipped to type on Gomez, there would be more entries, but…eh, here we go.
MOD- officially gave the boot two weeks ago. he became quite annoying, as we were supposed to meet up, I didn’t have any money (again), and I wasn’t ready to see him. he didn’t tell me when a good time was when he was available (seeing everyone he needed to see), and I told him this. it led to an argument, he said he was through—I saw an opening and went with it. shutdown every bit of available communication, and I haven’t looked back since. I have had a slight twinge, as far as how he is, how sad he must be, but in the end, I don’t feel bad. this is something I should’ve done in march when I first met him, when he first irritated me. I felt guilty about doing so b/c he made me feel like I would be a golddigger after buying me things. in the end, some things eventually get said. it was impending due to an amazing amount of ignorance and stubbornness, very non Dom behaviour, and I don’t think he will be able to hold on to a woman very long, unless she’s like me, circa 1995. good night, and good luck. a chapter closed, a lesson learned.
the kid—had his 30th birthday, and I certainly earned a foundation built in heaven, maybe even a first floor. I’ve been making peace with Tiamat, his sig other. we went to a respiratory therapy meet&greet (more about that later), and I went shopping with her. (just her and I) I picked out the watch he is wearing, she paid for it. a 1600.00 watch marked down to 467.00; I got taste, what more is there to be said? she let me pick out his cake as well, but I didn’t go to that function(again, more later). the reason why I bring that up is that she didn’t know he liked star wars. you may think that’s irrelevant, but the media one chooses to entertain oneself with is a big deal to me. it is a literal escape into one’s persona, their tastes, their psyche. her not knowing that bothered me just as much as her not knowing his likes and dislikes. been together two years, and not know???
but, whatever. he had come over towards the end of june, saying it was over. it was on again in less than four days. when I went over there to watch TB, the house was filthy, and she was less than accomodating. basically, I read it as one of two ways. ladder climbing and she is trash. or, she is sincere. I’m still on the “don’t truss it” side, but he has again become softhearted and foolish. whatever. I am making peace because I don’t want to lose him. her and I had drinks and finally talked it out and I told her my feelings. I am civil for his sake. you fuck him over, you break his heart, and I will kill you. and she laughed. and I told her I’m not laughing, do you think this is a fucking joke?
what an idiot.
but, she DID sober up once I said that. upon meeting her mother saturday, yeah…he’s captain save a hoe all over again…
fuck it.
back to me, I know that it comes back to me…
as far as health goes, I’ve gone to see the dr about my rebelling female organs. the pain. the clots, the sore nips, etc. she is either saving TONS of money or she honestly doesn’t want to deal, but either way she doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with me. as of right now, I can disagree with that, as it feels like someone (a cenobite, perhaps?) is grinding up my girlybits. so if it’s cancerous, yes, I will sue for malpractice, and I hope to lose alot of weight.
I failed at nutrisystem, having lost only 15 pounds and gaining back 20.
respiratory therapy. again, having had to show my ass in front of the chair of the department has led me to realize that northwest indiana is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to ghetto ppl fucking it up for everybody. I could say black, but I really think it boils down to status. then race. either way, they did alot of dissuading, making it sound incredibly difficult to get in, to finish, to work in the hospital… I am quite resilient and stubborn, so FUCKALL about that noise. if anything, it makes me that much more angry, that much more driven to fucking finish it. it’s my ticket out. I’ve no other options, no other way to get what I want. and what else is there for me to do anyway? (as grad school creeps into my head) no, no, the income, the ability to work anywhere, I gotta finish this. wherever it leads.
lastly, I hope it isn’t a jinx, but I’ve made a milestone of sorts. the dubliner that I’ve been friends with on fet has made himself more intimate towards me, and I towards him. I have always enjoyed talking to him, as we have a lot in common, but I can’t say I’ve ever taken him serious, as he lives quite a distance. still, I have romanticized living in ireland, or at least seeing him and having the blarney fucked out of me. wouldn’t that be something, I thought. as a kid fall in love with ireland, desire someone I have lots in common with, then make a real thing out of meeting him?? but I need to be realistic about it. it’s just sex. we’re good friends who find each other sexy. it would take ages to actually make something out of it, and by then…well, let’s just say I don’t want to even begin to get my hopes up. (even though it sounds like I already have.)
I’m just enjoying it. I look forward to his letters, I imagine his accent talking as I read. it’s fun. he’s fun. something bright I get to anticipate a few times a week. I admit, I’m jealous of the girls I am friends with on fet, the ones who are 25 and married, and have awesome sex, and have cute husbands. “rasputin” as he’s labeled is cute and total fun. wishful thinking, take 12.
all in all, that’s life right now. classes start august 22nd, so I have something to look forward to doing that doesn’t make mum see me as a total loser. just be patient, I keep saying to myself, be patient, because it’s all coming together. goddess be praised for I am thankful, it is all coming together.
